#loving the idea of fillory is enough

[asofterhibou]

This post from @spiders-hth-is-an-outlier making it as good a time as any for a The Magicians brain dump I guess: like the post says the Qualice reunion scene is a weird and weirdly perfunctory scene, and honestly who knows what the writers were smoking for those last two episodes, but. in the secretly good show in my head, the scene is perfunctory and not particularly romantic because it's not really supposed to be, or at least the main purpose of the scene is not exactly Quentin and Alice's romance. To me the narrative problem/tension of Qualice at this point in the show is not whether they love each other. They do. They've said it and shown it in multiple ways, there's not really any need for romantic declarations. In fact Alice made a romantic declaration at the end of s3 on the muntjac, saying that Quentin was the one she loved etc. And then still destroyed the keys in Blackspire, which Quentin clearly takes as a personal betrayal, why he can't trust her. In s3 Alice loves Quentin but she doesn't trust him, not with her feelings, or with her secret plans. Which is where the many many parallels of Alice and Eliot in s4 begin! If the plot of s3 (magic gone and fairy takeover) is mostly the consequences of Quentin and Margo's choices in s2, the plot of s4 (the monster and the library) is mostly the consequences of Alice and Eliot's choices at the end of s3 (with help from Fogg). In s4 Alice and Eliot are both prisoners, and they both escape their prisons, in different ways. And a lot of the tension of this scene for me, which is linked also with the flower scene, is - can Quentin escape his prison? He's repeating the same story he told himself in pilot episode, that false dichotomy: there is the escapist dream of Fillory/fantasy/magic where Quentin finally finds the secret door and becomes someone he wants to be, where his life becomes something he wants it to be, which is childish and must be left behind for the cold hard wasteland of the adult world, of harsh reality, and you just have to suck it up and deal with it. I don't think this scene feels particularly romantic because it's not supposed to be: Quentin says he can forgive Alice, can change his notions, his expectations, but he's still trapped. He can't see the third option yet, in the garden he says: isn't the idea of Fillory enough, but does he see it yet? It's not the idea of Fillory, it's his idea of Fillory, Quentin's idea, when it says in the magicians books that the world might be a wasteland but we are not, we're the source, there's no oasis out there waiting, we create the oasis ourselves.

Tldr this scene has Quentin and Alice getting back together but it's not actually about them, it's about Quentin's fucked-up-ness. Does the show actually know this? could not tell you if you paid me.

[indestructibleheart]

Thank you for the tag, @junebugclaremontdiaz!

Ask me anything about anything on this list! These are all in various stages of development. Some have a lot of words written, some have a small handful, some have outlines, and some are just ideas I'm staring blankly at for the time being. (I've also left a couple things off, either because I don't know enough to answer questions about it, OR I've put it on the back-burner for one reason or another.)

FICS WITH WORDS AND/OR OUTLINES:

paper cut stings from our paper thin plans: Also known as The Coma Fic™️. It's a Kensington divergence where there's an accident before Alex can get on the flight to Heathrow. It's dual POV alternating between Henry at the hospital and Alex in his coma dream. the eve of everything: Pez is a Timelord. Alex and Henry are just people in the world stuck in a time loop on New Year's Eve. am i more than you bargained for yet?: Alex and Henry meet when Alex is sent to boarding school as a teenager. breaking character: Alex is an actor who starred in a sitcom throughout his childhood. Henry is an Olivier-winning playwright. fillory and further: An AU loosely based on 'The Magicians.' like a slow fire burn: I'm not giving away exactly what this one is just yet, but I'll throw it in here anyway because I'll answer some vaguer questions about it.

IDEAS I'M WORKSHOPPING:

my calamitous love: An AU where Henry moves out to a cabin by a lake in the woods and Alex is literally a muse. fine/gotta get out: Based on the songs of the same name from the musical, 'Ordinary Days.' lol the doc is called "reverse concept album" but i'm not 100% sure what i want to do with it now wicked au, apparently??? it's mostly mj's fault.

*Yes, there is a certain WIP I've been talking about missing from this list. No, you can't ask me about it. 😅

Tagging some lovelies under the cut. If you have not been tagged and you want to be, consider this your tag!

@anchoredarchangel, @cha-melodius, @cricketnationrise, @firenati0n, @guillermosfamiliar, @hgejfmw-hgejhsf, @hippolotamus, @inexplicablymine, @jettestar, @kiwiana-writes, @missgeevious, @mulderscully, @myheartalivewrites, @ninzied, @nontoxic-writes, @notspecialbabe, @priincebutt, @rmd-writes, @three-drink-amy, @treluna4, @vanillahigh00, @welcometololaland, @orchidscript, @ships-to-sail, @stereopticons

[angstics]

You know the worst part of getting exactly what you want? When it’s not good enough. Then what do you do? If this can’t make me happy, then what would? Fillory was supposed to mean something. I was supposed to mean something here. But it’s random, it’s so random that the only way to save my friends is to yell at a fucking plant. Honestly, fuck Fillory for being so disappointing. You know maybe I was better off believing that it was fiction. The idea of Fillory is what saved my life. This promise that people like me, people like me can somehow find an escape. There has got to be some power in that. Shouldn’t loving the idea of Fillory be enough?

quentin coldwater voice people like me

[campchitaquamemories]

Magicians went from making me feel better to making me go into a huge depressive episode! I literally don't even know how to cope. It's fiction. It shouldn't be hurting me the way that it is.

It is fiction, that’s true! But it was more than just a TV show. It was touted - by both the fandom and the creators - as a safe space. Not as in “everything here will always be puppies and rainbows” space - because it wasn’t. It couldn’t be, not in a world where “magic comes from pain”. But it was a safe space because the cast and crew and writers and showrunners talked constantly about how good it was to provide representation and a home for fans who struggled. Especially with their mental illness. It’s not like fandom said “Oh, I headcanon this character has depression” and now we’re butthurt. Quentin canonically is depressed and suicidal. It’s referenced multiple times in the show. Hell, it’s a huge part of his story. He’s fucking medicated until Brakebills.

It was a safe space where we felt seen, and understood, and validated, and represented. And what they did with this finale, what they did with the NDA they made Jason comply with, what they did by not telling the cast, what they did by giving the interviews that they did after the episode aired. They destroyed, not just Quentin, not just the entire premise of the show, but that safe space that they themselves had cultivated. They ripped that away from us in one of the grossest ways possible, by leaving the “why” of Quentin’s death ambiguous.

They traded in suicide porn, by filming that funeral, and showing us Quentin’s reactions, and showing everyone else’s reactions to it as well. By telling us that things will be okay - maybe better - for the people in our lives if we’re gone. That death is an easy place to be, where the things that burden you go away and you can be happy, or at least at peace. 

Sidebar, here: That is not true. They are wrong. It would not be better. Your friends and family, would not be better. We as a fandom family, would not be better. You are important. You are valid. You are needed. You are more than your depression. You are more than your broken brain. You are more - so, so much more - than your desire to die. Please, please, please, do not listen to this show. They. Are. Wrong.

This is something we loved. Something we identified with in our souls. And not only did they rip it away, they perverted everything that we loved about it. They made this thing that we adored gross and dirty - not just for us, but for the cast too.

It is okay not to be okay right now. Please, feel how you feel, and know that you are not alone. Not ever. I am right there with you. So many of us are right there with you. Always, always reach out if you need help. We are a family, and we are here for you,  My askbox is always open - though it may take time for me to get back to you, because I do work fulltime and I have kids that need my attention sometimes too. But I am here. There are a lot of us here. And we will pull ourselves back from the edge together.

Never forget that our fandom is the idea of Fillory. We are the best part of this story. And loving the idea of Fillory is enough.

[jockpoetry]

genuinely do think about

you know the worst part of getting exactly what you want? when it’s not good enough. then what do you do? if this can’t make me happy then what would? fillory was supposed to mean something. i was supposed to mean something here. but it’s all - it’s just – it’s random - it’s so random. that the only way to save my friends is to yell at a fucking plant! honestly, fuck fillory for being so disappointing. you know what maybe i was better off just believing that it was fiction. the idea of fillory is what saved my life. this promise…that…people like me…. people like me…can somehow…find an escape. there has gotta be some power in that. shouldn’t loving the idea of fillory be enough?

and like...lose it.

[campchitaquamemories]

THE POWER IN THIS MEME

turns out we were all in the same sinking boat the whole time, huh?

[bitchesoffillory]

The Magicians at Summer Camp AU

I really miss my summer camp and wish I was there right now so here is how I imagine everyone as camp counselors (also I know that all camps are different this is based off of how my camp is run/some of the programs it has)

Julia- THE BEST FUCKING COUNSELOR!! She would be so good with the campers!!!! She is an expert at walking the line between fun and responsible. She’s cool enough that all of the “popular” campers vibe with her. She’s so nice and really understands the awkward kids. She is great at bringing them out of their shells and listening to them. That’s literally all campers want, is for someone to listen to them and Julia is great at it. She makes sure everyone feels included and seen, she makes being kind and inclusive cool. We stan.

Quentin- The campers WORSHIP him and he absolutely cannot understand why. It confuses him so much because he’s like, “I’m so awkward? Why?” but he ends up just rolling with it, who is he to question them. He’s so good with the quieter and more indoor kids. He plays cards with them, teaches them magic tricks, talks about his favorite books. He gets all of the campers hooked on the fillory books, so he ends up creating programming around it. He is so unapologetic about who he is and what he loves and that’s so attractive to kids you have no idea. All of the campers love him. I am so soft for counselor Q. 

Eliot- He RUNS the drama program at camp. The play is always elaborate, impeccably done, and different every summer. He comes off as bitchy at first but those kids are his little drama ducklings and he will defend them with his life. The kids absolutely adore him. In addition to the big play, he organizes spontaneous performance art throughout the summer. You never know when it’s coming or what’s going to happen. A flash dance? Spontaneous slam poetry? Shaving a fellow counselor's head? Imagine him convincing Todd to let him shave his head. There are no limits, only art. 

Alice- Organic farmer Alice. The plots are organized and there is every vegetable you could ever think of. She teaches the campers how to take care of all of the different plants, the different medicinal properties of all of the herbs, the different regions that everything comes from. At first she comes off as cold but then the campers see how nurturing she is with all of her plants. She seems all prim and proper but she really gets her hands down in the dirt. Every meal at camp contains something fresh from the garden. We love it. 

Or!!!!! Horseback riding, but I don’t know too much about horseback riding, we don’t have it at my camp but Alice is a full horse girl. She likes it because she gets to talk to animals more than other human beings and we love that for her. 

Josh- The head of the kitchen, those kids eat GOOD. All of the meals are delicious and nutritious, especially with the additions to the meal from the organic garden. Oh you have a food allergy? No problem. Josh makes special dishes for all of the kids with specific allergies and needs, gluten free? Vegan? Apple, nut, sesame or fish allergy?  Lactose intolerant? Just straight up picky? All of the above? No worries, Chef Josh is on it. He never forgets a birthday, every kid with a camp birthday gets a personalized cake in their favorite flavor. We love to see it. 

Fen- Archery instructor. There is no knife throwing at camp (thank gd) but arrows are still pretty pointy. The setup is super sweet with top of the line equipment. She never misses, ever. The campers try and set up challenges for her and she hasn’t missed yet. Standing far away, shooting a moving target, shooting blindfolded. She hits the mark every time. All of the campers are convinced that she is some type of Elven warrior who rides around defending justice with her trusty bow when she’s not at camp. She doesn’t correct them. 

Or she teaches self defense with Kady

Kady- Krav Maga. All of the campers are kind of scared of her, but they all sign up for it because they also want to be her. The campers are always super timid during their first lesson, but Kady always pulls them out of it. She’s tough and compassionate, she teaches them self defense and confidence in themselves. All of the campers walk out feeling like complete badasses, and that maybe Kady isn’t as scary as they once thought. The best.

Penny- A lifeguard. Everyone thinks that he has the easiest job at camp because from the outside it looks like all he does is tan. BUT he has to look out for a million little fuckers near open water all while sitting in the blazing hot sun for hours. That shit’s hard. Yelling every two second for kids to stop running, and no diving! He’s the hot lifeguard who is the only person who can get the kids into the water. He’s grumpy but he loves his job. SWIM INSTRUCTOR PENNY!!!! It’s like Professor Penny but in water. Honestly? I love this one.

Margo- The high king of productive discomfort. All of the “popular” kids look up to her because she is a boss bitch and she teaches all of them to have compassion and be empathetic. Meanwhile she has a very soft spot in her heart for the quiet nerdy kids and teaches them to take no shit and stand up for themselves. She is also the biggest advocate for the campers and the staff. If you are ever having a problem you are always told to go to Margo and she will get it fixed. She has no fear and absolutely will yell at the director if there is an issue.

Todd- The junior counselor that everyone hazes. He fucks up a lot but he really and truly is trying his best. 

Professor Lipson- The camp nurse who’s answer to all ailments is a bandaid and/or cough drops.

Dean Fogg- Literally the worst camp director there is. The worst. The Assistant Director does everything. 

Jane Chatwin- The assistant director. She does everything. 

[campchitaquamemories]

Once more, with feeling.  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

stolen from twitter, because it’s not people’s faults for having hope

Keep reading

[silvercoldwater]

“You know what, maybe I was better off just believing that it was fiction. The idea of Fillory is what saved my life. This promise that people like me… people like me can somehow find an escape. There’s gotta be some power in that. Shouldn’t loving the idea of Fillory be enough?”

[lizardkingeliot]

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

tagged by @phoenix-ascended thank you!!!! 💖

Okay SO. I’m gonna cheat a little bit here. The first nine I’m going to post are all going to be from the first nine chapters of time cast a spell on you (but you won’t forget me) but to be fair the chapters are so long they each might as well be a story all their own lmao. ANYWAY. Here we go. I’ll post the first paragraph from each I guess, in order of chapter number obvs:

1. Quentin shook out the tension in his hands. He didn’t understand why it wasn’t getting any easier. For days on end he’d been trying to perfect the illumination spell the rest of his fellow First Years had nailed in a matter of hours. But no matter how he tried, Quentin couldn’t seem to make anything more than a spark.

2. Quentin waited until Eliot was asleep to slip out of bed and hastily tug his clothes back on. The illuminated screen of his phone told him it was just past 12am. Clutching his shoes to his chest, he opened the door as quietly as he could manage and tip-toed out into the hall, all but running to his room and clicking the lock shut firmly behind him.

3. Dry-mouthed and groggy, Quentin woke in Eliot’s bed alone. He groaned, groping around for his phone to check the time for a long moment before remembering he’d left it in his room. Quentin rubbed at his eyes, rolling over and up to his feet, muscles he didn’t even know existed screaming as he went. He picked his bathrobe up from the floor and pulled it on, then tottered down the hall to empty his bladder and brush his teeth and gulp down frantic handfuls of water from the bathroom sink.

4. Tuesday morning was hell. Quentin woke just before eleven, empty as a husk. Filthy, all used up. His thighs sticking together where Eliot’s come had dried there in the night. Quickly realizing he’d already missed his first class of the day, Quentin pressed his face into his pillow, pulled the covers up over his head, and surrendered to the blank comfort of late morning sleep.

5. Quentin couldn’t feel his face, or much of his body for that matter. Which was… fine. It was great. It was fucking phenomenal. As long as it meant he also couldn’t feel the sinkhole that had formed in the center of his chest. The one that had been there for days, weeks, months, fucking years. He couldn’t feel anything at all.

6. Quentin felt a lever turn inside his chest, the source of his magic eking out a spark. Enough at least to send a message to Julia back at Brakebills. One of those little enchanted paper airplanes they’d learned his first week in Practical Applications that he never could get to fly quite right. He scrawled his SOS on a cocktail napkin and watched it flutter away like the world’s saddest butterfly. The universe took pity on him. Quentin figured he was probably due. 7. Christmas morning was a lackluster affair.

Exchanging gift cards over coffee and devouring great mounds of Ted Coldwater’s Famous Ham and Eggs while still in their pajamas. After, Julia and Quentin lay on the living room floor and Skyped with James, his grandparents waving hello from Pennsylvania in the background. They opened the stack of impersonal and overly-extravagant gifts from Julia’s mother that had been delivered to the house the night before. Quentin received a pair of cashmere socks and a leather belt with a shiny silver buckle.

8. Quentin stood at the bathroom sink, watching his face shift in the steamy mirror glass. Stark naked save for the towel looped around his hips. Hair dripping in cool, fat beads down onto the planks of his shoulders. So clean he swore he could feel himself sparkling from the inside out.

9. Quentin tossed his phone down onto the floor and leaned back into Eliot’s heat. “It’s almost like you want my dad to know I’m faking sick so I can stay in and let you fuck me until I pass out.”

Some patterns I guess: I love how chapters 2-4 all open with Quentin in bed after hooking up with eliot but all with very different vibes. In chapter 2, he’s just experienced subspace for the first time without having any idea that’s what actually happened to him and he is having A Time. In chapter 3, they had a very intense hook-up the night before and Quentin is sneaking out again, but this time he fully plans on returning right after. And in chapter 4, we see the joy of their beginnings at Columbia contrasted hard with the misery of where Quentin is at Brakebills.

ALSO 2/3 of the chapters begin with Quentin’s name which feels right considering just how deep into his headspace we are in this fic.

Okay. Anyway. Moving on:

10. Eliot loved watching Quentin lose himself in a moment.

It could be anything really: mastering a brand new spell; savoring something decadent and sweet; fussing with his hair when he thought no one was looking; focusing very hard on making himself a cocktail and getting the ratios just right; ranting about his Fillory books; reading his Fillory books, to himself but especially aloud; reading anything; riding dick...

That last one held a particularly special place in Eliot’s heart.

(from but i would die for you in secret aka the one where eliot is pretty sure quentin is only using him for his dick. spoiler alert: he’s not they’re just idiots)

11. Teddy was turning six years old. There was nothing in the world he loved more than stories.

His favorite was a version of Lord of the Rings Quentin had cobbled together from memory. He must have told it to their son a hundred times before it occurred to Eliot he could contribute more to story time than ogling Quentin’s hands while he spoke, or popping in to suggest when the Balrog should actually be making an appearance, Quentin.

(from in a land far away aka the mosaic fic where eliot makes margo hand puppets for teddy)

12. The words came out of Quentin’s mouth without a single coherent thought behind them.

“I’m just about to catch a movie with my boyfriend!”

There, outside the coffee shop on Eighth Avenue, Quentin’s maybe-friend from high school whose name he couldn’t even remember shot him a wide-mouthed grin. “Oh, that’s wonderful!” she said. “Which movie? My wife Danielle and I don’t have any plans for the afternoon and we’d love to tag along. Isn’t that right sweetie?”

(from your name like a song (i sing to myself) aka the one where quentin’s memory is shit and he and eliot pretend to be boyfriends in a post-monster world)

13. Eliot dropped the last box onto the floor. “Daddy’s wardrobe is safe at last,” he said, lowering himself down into the gold chair with a sigh. “Though I can’t seem to shake the terrible feeling that Todd raided my closet at the Cottage before I could get to it all.”

Quentin surveyed the damage from his spot on the sofa: there were at least seven large packing boxes bursting at their seams scattered around the penthouse. “I don’t know how you would even be able to tell. I’m pretty sure one of those boxes is just vests.”

Eliot quirked a brow in his direction. “Some of us are cultivating an aesthetic, Quentin,” he said. “And I didn’t see you complaining when I let you dress me for dinner last night.”

Quentin couldn’t help but smile. “I wouldn’t call picking between two pre-approved ties dressing you, El.”

“I’m also counting the fact that you said my ass looked great in my new pants.”

(from the parentheses (all clicking shut behind you) aka the suspender porn fic)

14. The night Quentin Coldwater died, a brand new star appeared in the sky over Brakebills. A little brighter than Venus, it stayed fixed in the same position for weeks on end. Eliot hardly would have noticed such a thing if it hadn’t been for the way that it hummed. Or at least, that’s how it felt. A humming in his bones. An old, familiar presence. Margo thought that he’d gone mad with grief. Alice was the only one who could understand.

(from a myth of devotion aka the one where eliot is sorta icarus and quentin is sorta the sun)

15. It didn’t happen the way Eliot expected it to. He dropped the letter into the mailbox, and pain blossomed in his abdomen so brightly it was like he’d gone supernova.

And everything went dark.

(from by night, beloved, tie your heart to mine aka the one where eliot sends the letter)

16. Eliot stretched out over the mosaic, his shirt riding up just a little as he clicked a yellow tile into place, and Quentin’s pulse leapt in his neck once, twice. Three times. His breath hitched. It was becoming nearly impossible to focus. In the heat of the sun, watching the sweat soak Eliot’s shirt clean-through.

(from i won’t deny (all the things i would do) aka the one where quentin and eliot start hooking up three months into their life at the mosaic)

17. After they decided kissing on the mouth was okay, Quentin and Eliot wanted to do it all the time. In every corner of the penthouse (“If you don’t stop sucking face while I’m trying to eat my sandwich,” Kady said one afternoon, “I’m literally going to feed you to the Baba Yaga.”), outside coffee shops, in between bites at the sushi place in Chelsea that Eliot loved. Once, they went to see a movie they couldn’t even remember the name of just to make out for two blissful, uninterrupted hours in the dark.

(from and a song of praise upon your lips aka part three of the box of chocolates series where quentin and eliot are definitely dating and finally talk about their feelings)

18. Eliot startled awake to something sharp and pointed slamming into his shin. He opened his eyes, and the toe of Margo’s shoe made contact one last time. Pain seared up the side of his leg, and he winced. Jesus, she really did not realize her own strength sometimes. Or the strength of her Jimmy Choo’s.

(from that you may know (the secrets of your heart) aka part two of box of chocolates aka the one where hand stuff is still banging)

19. Eliot Waugh was High King in his blood, and somehow that felt right. When they first arrived in Fillory, Quentin assumed he would be the one to wear the crown. He’d dreamed of it most of his life after all. On the throne in Whitespire, a fleet of talking animals at his disposal, a noble quest waiting around every corner to ferry him away to the next grand, heart-stopping adventure. But when the blade bit into his palm and drew no blood, and Eliot’s came up red, it felt like the final piece of some perfect puzzle clicking into place.

(from and this is the map of my heart aka the one where quentin wants to marry eliot and they have some incredibly filthy sex before everything falls apart)

20. Eliot walked into the penthouse to an eerie quiet. He found Quentin sitting in the kitchen under a dim illumination spell, drinking a beer and poking at the screen of his phone.

“Hey,” Eliot said, setting his shopping bag down on the counter. “Where is everyone?”

Quentin sighed, rubbing at his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Out. I don’t know.”

Eliot squinted at him. “You didn’t want to go with them?”

Quentin lifted his eyes, shot Eliot a look. “No.”

(from for love (if it finds you worthy) aka part one of the box of chocolates series)

And I have now been here doing this for so long I no longer have time to try and find anymore patterns lmao BUT I will be tagging: @thelucindac @akisazame @fishfingersandscarves @nellie-elizabeth @freneticfloetry @rubickk7 and anyone else who wants to play!

[troublecominghq]

character name(s)/alias/etc: quentin coldwater / king of fillory

character age and date of birth: twenty five years old, july 20th year 95

character's pronouns/gender identity/romantic & sexual identity: quentin is comfortable with any pronoun, is agender, bisexual/romantic + polyam

character faceclaim: jason ralph

oc or canon + which fandom affiliated with: canon + the magicians

currently located: fillory, castle whitespire

moral alignment + people/groups etc they are aligned to: chaotic good. quentin is aligned and loyal to fillory, the kingdom he is to protect, but also to his friends and fellow rulers. before discovering fillory, quentin had loyalties to brakebills but for the most part, he doesn't really ascribe to offering his loyalty to 'groups'. his loyalties are in people, in his friends above all else, and to his belief systems of right and wrong. in the wider context of the world, before discovering fillory, quentin looked to the disputes across the sea as odd. he didn't understand why people feared the grisha so much for one, and the histories of hatred made no sense to him. he's always looked at magic, especially before he knew he had it, as something beautiful, something to be admired rather than feared. so looking to the conflicts of the east always left him a little lost.

tell us about their personality/the kind of character they are/what kind of goals etc they have: quentin is a deeply thoughtful and introverted individual. he takes solace and comfort in fictional worlds, and after a lifetime spent battling his mental health, quentin grew up thinking there was something broken in him, something wrong that meant he just didn't fit in with this world all that well. it's something that only really changed when he discovered magic was real. he blossomed, and is still growing within that, but he can still be pretty ignorant at times and self righteous. he's judgemental and snippy, but he's also incredibly loving and affectionate to those he finds a bond with. while he finds it hard to connect with people at first on a personal level, he tends to bond on grander scales easier. sharing greater ideologies, realising there are similarities shared with another persons moral beliefs etc? that tends to get him more interested in a person and likely to actually put effort into building a friendship.

quentin's goals in life have always been on the dramatic and grand scale. he's always longed for adventure, to be swept up into the worlds like he only ever read about in books-- the fillory and further books for example. throughout his life, he longed for this-- to find a purpose in a great quest, to find a calling in a far off land, to find out magic was real. and, well, he actually kind of got that. and ever since the recent discovery of fillory, quentin's goals have revolved heavily around keeping that, holding on to it. but given the things that have happened recently, there's a much more important goal: get wellspring magic back.

biography: since he was a kid, quentin had always had a love and fascination for the idea of magic. he read every book possible with a magical story, but none was loved like he loved the fillory and further books. he dreamed of a day he'd get to visit; pretended with his best friend julia that it was real and lost himself to it. but escaping to those fictional worlds wasn't ever enough to keep quentin stable for good. it was a good temporary escape and a bandage for his problems, but quentin couldn't shake the persistent feeling that he never truly fit anywhere, and that he'd never find happiness and belonging in life. tw mental health related stuff: quentin is a deeply depressed person, and when the fantasies of a life of more weren’t enough, quentin often found himself on the edge. he’s been in and out of mental hospitals a lot through life, suffered issues with self harm and suicide ideation, and in fact, in the year 119, quentin spent a weekend checked into a facility in kirington right before his life changed forever.

it was meant to be a relatively normal day. an interview for further courses of education at an esteemed university in kirington, and then perhaps getting drunk with his best friend after. the universe, had different plans. this day was the day quentin discovered that magic was real and he was a magician. brakebills university offered him a place, and quentin felt that finally, he belonged somewhere. classes were hard, mastering magic was difficult, but quentin was excited-- in love with the new, bright world around him that seemed to be saturated with colour for the first time in his life. just before christmas of his first year of study, something horrific happens. in one of his classes, a strange ‘beast’ attacks the professor and students, and quentin feels entirely responsible for the horrors unleashed. with time, quentin comes to learn a further truth: fillory is real, and the beast is in fact one of the children from his favourite books.

after discovering that this is the 40th time loop created in an attempt to stop the beast, quentin and his friends are more empowered than ever to figure this out and stop the beast once and for all. and eventually, they manage it, but not without high cost.

quentin has been spending the last 6+ months mourning the loss of alice, while also striving to be a good king alongside his fellow rulers of fillory. it’s been rough going, especially given that they can’t really leave fillory-- the portal in the tree isn’t reliable and time gets a little fucky when they use it. but nothing was quite as rough as what happened recently: the gang kills a god!

one of the ‘gods’ of fillory decides, it’s game over time, time to destroy fillory. he’s bored of the show and wants it over. so, against the clock, quentin and his friends race to try and stop this from happening and protect their beloved, if a little fucked up kingdom. however, in the process, quentin ends up killing the god/not god/powerful magician with an ego the size of a planet-- ember, and what happens next fucked things up in a way they never could have imagined. what they didn’t realise, is that there was a built in failsafe to fillory that ember and umber created. a death of wellspring magic. a kind of ‘if we can’t have it, then none of you can._ and so now, wellspring magic is dead and fillory is exposed with their ring of protection around the island gone. for the first time in history, fillory is accessible to the rest of the world. so now, without magic and on the hunt for a fix, there are outside foes to consider too. over all, quentin is Mc Fucking Stressed.

[campchitaquamemories]

I would like to thank you for your twitter thread irt Jason. Every time I see people hating on him because of this whole thing, it really rubs me the wrong way, and I think you've done a beautiful job laying things out. He gave his all playing a character that he clearly loved as much as any of us do, and his reward was a target painted on his back by his bosses.

This is valid and true and he doesn’t deserve that shit. None of the cast does. I adore Jason, he is talented and funny, and it was truly a gift that we got to have him as Q for four whole seasons of this show. I’m excited to follow his career from here, even as I’m sad to see Quentin leave, and gutted about how he left.

[highkingfen]

A TM FB ground asked ‘’What do you love about fen’’ I had a lot to say...

Alright, so I am procrastinating to do something else so let me write why I love fen. 

Something Brittany said as she was saying goodbye to her character was how Fen was born to be a side character and became a hero. I remember starting to cry after hearing that because this is exactly why I adore her. 

I had an abusive relationship where the guy didn't even realize how abusive he was and destroyed the little self-confidence I had build in myself after years of bullying and not being smart enough in math for my high school. And then I decided to stop dating and rebuild myself and it is by mistake that I fell in love with my husband (We both didn't want to date, the irony) and when he introduced me to The Magicians he told me I’d associate with Fen. Most likely because I’d love her kindness and princess-y vibe. What he didn't expect is that I loved her for so much more than that

Fen comes from a world that doesn't value women the same as men. In a world where her father refuses to show her how to make magical blades because she was a girl . And yet, she learns how to use them and how to sharpen them with whetstone, despite not what a woman should do. She learned her father’s craft enough that she was able to appreciate a good blade (The couple’s torture device) or even know the difference between a blade cut vs an animal one (S03E02)

Fen was raised with the only goal to be a wife; one day it might happen that a stranger comes at their door and she will have to marry him without even saying anything, so her family could rise in the rank of Fillorian royalty. And arrive, Eliot who married her, thinking he would die and not to have to handle her, so when he came back alive she had to manage to be newlywed to a self-destructive man. 

Tick never valued her or the pesant, we see her face when he get means to the FU fighter, and I am sure it is not the only side remark Tick has done toward her; she was never one of the ‘’royalty’’.

One of their first conversation in the castle is how she wants to be obedient to him. which means she was told to be so, and probably that her job was also to produce an heir. Her job was to be the quiet wife of the High King and provide lineage. But that is not what happens. Despite Eliot saying he wanted her to be his equal, it took nearly 4 seasons for him to do so. He dismissed her, never told her when he left or what would happen and only truly cared when she was in danger or taken over by the fairy. Fen only knew what she had to do: be a wife and give a baby . But Eliot was not attracted to her and would never love her and Margo gave her baby away. 

So this leads us to her breakdown. Margo and Eliot clearly didn’t know what to do with her because they let her be in a psychosis where she was carrying a log as a baby, but losing her baby to the fairies was Fen's last straw. I think she was starting to accept that Eliot would never love her and that she might be able to help Fillory by staying with Eliot (’’You think I stay because of how deeply attracted to me you are. I love Fillory. It is my home’’ - S02E06) and losing her baby, the one thing she knew she could provide, was just too much; everything she was told to be and do she could not. 

This is why Margo giving her the crown as an Acting King in the end of S03 is HUGE. Not only she became the first crowned Fillorian (Tick never wore it) but it was also a sign for Margo to recognized that during season 3, she was learning how to heal and becoming her own person. Not Eliot's wife, but fen. There is this amazing moment where Fen says to Eliot that she can’t go to her old life and they are stuck together. This is both of them admiring their marriage will never work, but they promised to care for one another and they will. At least, they try. They do. 

If Julia showed Fen that healing of trauma is complicated but does not mean going toward a darker you, Margo showed Fen how to be her own voice. Not to be Eliot’s wife or Margo’s confidente, but Fen. Margo even let her lead the quest and make her own mistake before saving her from fraud (S04E08) because Margo knows that she would stay naive if she is never given the chance to do something on her own. Even more, when Margo learns that Fen wants to overthrow her, she trusts and know her enough that this is not a back-stabbing move but something bigger, and she accepts her fate in order to save Eliot, but also making sure Fen will be safe (’’I curse you Fen! But be nice to her!’’ S04E09) Fen will try to lead like Margo leads, being daring and trying to use her power to help; this is how her and Josh discover The Secret Sea in the castle after all. 

But then she gets abandoned in the past and learns that Margo had given up on saving her and even tried to kill her in the heat of a battle. While part of it could be forgiven (margo was wolfing hard let's be real) That is when Fen stop seeing Margo on a pedestal. (S05E03) She discovers that Margo, much like Eliot, has severe flaws. This doesn't mean that she will stop caring about her, but that she will be able to have her own voice when talking to her.

Season 5, now having a voice, she had to struggle just like Kady not to be the one in the background that nobody listens. If more than once she is ignored and that some of them are just cruel for no apparent reason when they need her she decide to say no. To call their bullshit and say that they would try harder to save Earth if it was happening on their planet. Eliot teaches her then what it means to have a voice and to be a hero; sometimes there is no perfect solution, just two choices and you take the less shitty. She learns there that having a voice is to listen to what other say and then put your own knowledge into the group instead of trying to do like Margo and stump on everyone with her idea. (S05E11) We see her during the heist episode, she use herself being FIllorian to insure her friend security (S05E12) and this confidence was totally new for Fen.  I don't think she would have been able to put her life on the line without what Eliot had told her before). 

Lastly, Fen wanted to be a mom. Losing her baby will be a trauma she will have to live with forever. But it is beautiful that, in a sense, she carried Fillory within her (i Mean literally) until it was ready to be hatched. (S05E12-13) FIllory 2.0 is her baby, she will be forever the mother of the land, forever linked with the history of the one place she loved and defended from the moment we met her. 

I love fen for all those reasons. Because sometimes, rebuilding yourself after trauma is messy and full of mistakes. But when you are ready to listen to your friends, to forgive and to stand up for what you believe, you can become a version of yourself nobody ever believes you could ever be. I am pretty sure if she’d go back to her dad, he would not recognize his daughter. This proud and self assured woman who, despite her trauma, seek to find good and kindness in people, try to forgive those who hurt her and also, fucking put fillory in her vagina. 

[campchitaquamemories]

“Clips belong to me, because fuck the showrunners”

[sounds of me cheering you on forever through my tears in the background]

*bangs pots and pans together* MY CANON NOW!

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[jockpoetry]

anyways jason ralph put his entire fucking heart and soul into that monologue in 4.12 and then they did quentin dirty. like you had him deliver this:

you know the worst part of getting exactly what you want? when it’s not good enough. then what do you do? if this can’t make me happy then what would? fillory was supposed to mean something. i was supposed to mean something here. but it’s all - it’s just -- it’s random - it’s so random. that the only way to save my friends is to yell at a fucking plant! honestly, fuck fillory for being so disappointing. you know what maybe i was better off just believing that it was fiction. the idea of fillory is what saved my life. this promise...that...people like me.... people like me...can somehow...find an escape. there has gotta be some power in that. shouldn’t loving the idea of fillory be enough?

and then...4.13.